are you doing okay?

i'm supposed to pack up to go on a field trip, i know shanjin, velda, leon, and some NCC juniors are around the space. and tan hoe teck too. its raining. we're in school i think, but its all grey and white and run down with vegetation, the ceilings have holes and the quadrangle is bare concrete.

i get in the car, someone forgets something and runs out, i follow him. i think its leon. before i leave i lock my door with a keypad lock.

i'm in my room blasting music, its in the night. we're partying and suddenly i'm running out towards the car, ncc juniors call my name but i don't turn back i don't know why. they catch up with me and pin me to the ground.

i'm outside my room, my door is blasted open, the keypad lock is still intact. my brother tells me that in order to get in he placed explosives around the door. i get mad and shout at everyone

bangladeshi workers scrambling out of the road to let a sedan pass, one of them was sweating profusely, another one had a pimple on his right cheek

the bell rings and an announcement is made for everyone to go somewhere, while i walk with the crowd i see 1T24 and go inside, stare at someone, walk out, barely able to fit through the door, go past delvin's class, see them sitting still in their chairs with someone at the front looking like a prison warden, and walk down a spiral staircase

mom tell's bro to write down what she says, something about two koreas and a thousand springs, bro argues back about what it is and dad chips in too. we're in a room with a brown table looking very much like the one-seaters in the school library, the room looks like a consultation room beside the staff room, except that its positioned where the general office is. i turn around and look at the tables outside the staff room and see a girl studying there, two people in cj pe walk out of the door.

i'm walking down the spiral staircase again, barely fit through the door leading out

i'm in a car with my dad driving, we stopped outside a carpark, dad rolls down the window and i read what's on the board, it says "press I. wait for the voice for instructions"

the car enters the carpark and its empty with machinery, somehow i know i'm in a hospital.

i'm in a room with no doors or windows, everything turns yellow, blue, grey, with a white sillhouette of a boy crouching at a corner ripping his hair off.

all these while i know i'm dreaming, but the actions weren't mine at all.

rarely have i been able to remember my dreams so clearly, but these are how they're usually like, its freaking me out i don't like it =/

so leon told me that he started to blog

and i got to the urge to do the same as well

so.... its that time of year again

Can you believe the life you led? Did you achieve the goals you set? Did you lose your mind, now and then?

Really got into my head and made me realise that i did lose my mind =(. People are always chasing after materialistic gains (quote by leon as well) that they're never happy, always unsatisfied and omg look how true it is now as 18 year olds, chasing after iphone, 3G, 3Gs, now 4g....its terrible when i think about it.

this life that we are leading makes me desire for http://thinksimplenow.com/clarity/the-simple-life/ . When will i ever achieve it. not to mention backpacking!

thinking short term, its 3 weeks to prelims aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i'm still hanging by a thread. I've learnt to just do my best already, no point worrying if i fail i cry and i move on, been there done that (but not prepared to face the consequences). life isn't just about taking this A level route that gets tougher every step i take. next time, my kids go to poly.

yesterday(not exactly yesterday) i did something i never thought i would do. there wasn't even time to think about how NOT to do it. it was either do or die.

i won't do it again but well it was "now or never"!

the rain has come, so i shall blog

common tests just ended, and yay that is a good good sign. but the results wise i don't know and i don't want to find out as well because yeah, there is no damn use worrying about the things we can't control.

went to west coast mall this evening with my family and dawn for dinner and did some shopping, got myself a pair of jeans from levi's signature. heh, thats like some spinoff for those cheapos who can't afford the real thing! but it feels better. then i don't know what's up with my mom and jeans, she thinks that the levi's strauss ones are super stiff and coincidentally those are what my dad bought... shouldn't the wife support the husband or something?

maybe i think too much.

oh, alice in wonderland isn't even wonderland, its some morbid confuzzling whirlpool of junk. those two twins look daft and they talk like retards. and the red queen's head is horrifying. and what the hell is a jabbawookie? and the whole landscape seems so disturbing, like the natural landscape is barren and deserted but those castles/prisons/battlefield look so bright and colourful. they contradict each other and yes that is what i hate.

scary shit

went out with the class for dinner after that, its a pity i left early =(

the day's coming =)

streetlight people, living just to find emotion

crosscountry today, muscles aching now =(. it was quite....enriching though.

anyway, journey > glee.

who wants to go backpacking?

For a very, very good friend of mine. Got hooked to this song not long ago, and then it happened, listened to this song another time and i found how the lines seemed to relate to this good friend of mine.

mom's nagging.

And I swear that you don't have to go
I thought we could wait for the fireworks
And I thought we could wait for the snow
To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt
I thought I could live in your arms
And spend every moment I had with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you (I had in you)
To late, I'm sure and lonely
It's another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now against me
You know the words so sing along for me, Baby
For heaven's sake I know you're sorry
But you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now you'd never be the same

I thought with a month of apart
Together would find us an opening
And moonlight would provide the spark
And that I would stumble across the key
(Or break down the door to your heart)
Forever could see us not you and me
Or you'd help me out of the dark
And I'd give my heart as an offering

To late, I'm sure and lonely
It's another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now against me
You know the words so sing along for me, Baby
For heaven's sake I know you're sorry
But you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know I'm dying
With my heart beside me
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced
And if I died right now you'd never be the same

And I will always remember you as you are right now to me
And I will always remember you now, remember you now
So sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side
Sleep alone tonight
How does he feel, how does he kiss
How does he taste while he's on your lips
I can't forget you
I know you want me to want you
I want to
But I can't forgive you
So when this is over don't blow your composure baby
I can't forgive you
I know you want me to want you I want to

found this song off youtube. i think its quite old already? BUT ITS BY WE THE KINGS!

is there a new album coming up soon for them?

yichin?! says (11:37 PM):

*LOL

*EH I DONT WANT TO GO TO SCHOOLL!!!!!!

Mok says (11:38 PM):

*hahahha

*YEAH

*F___ SCHOOl

*WASTE MY LIFE

anyway, lets talk about the holidays.

Empower U was really great!

Didn't really want to go (thats one of the reasons why i pushed it back), but the things that you gain from there is something you might never get elsewhere. Its like this haven of some sort where you can be yourself, you know, let your emotions just run free, if you're like that in the outside world people would probably think you're crazy.

Somehow i still don't know why i was the group leader, but oh well. i think i tried my best to be....rarrar? I guess i was more of a nuisance to the assists...but i think that they were equally annoying as well >:(. I hope i made it fun for Monkeys though.

Kinda stuck to my group of friends from S4L the whole time, doreen, chermaine, stepf, joel, dave, rachel. Even after everything we would still go out for supper and such.

its a pity that we lose contact so quickly =(

what stepf said when i told her that THE DRUMMER OF A7X IS DEAD:

"hai so sudden lor. shows you need to make the best out of life"

doing meaningful, productive, memorable things, of course.

made some new friends, although i think we seemed to have lost touch already, it feels weird talking to people whom you only spoken like a few sentences to online because everyone's just younger than you. doesn't feel right.

Someone's gone for 10 days =(

Been missing you like crazy. The many days that we went out since exams ended up till christmas eve just don't seem to offset the length of time that you're gone. argh.

Revision?

yeah, been reading physics and doing maths AND trying to do the gp newspaper cutting(which failed) pretty okay this holidays. I don't want to fail tests again, although there's still at high chance that I would. Maybe i'll get my motivation(if any) when school reopens, then its all rushing and rushing and rushing and in no time we'll be in the exam halls again, taking papers again, and in no time we'll be stuck at home or outside, talking cock and doing shit and wondering what to do next.

life is mundane, isn't it.

Catching up

i'm so sorry for not organising gatherings for 6.6. Last year was REALLY FUN, christmas celebration, class chalet, going to east coast park, chilling out at my house. this year...i guess i couldn't be bothered already. tried a few times but the response sometimes is just blehhhhh don't like.. not blaming anyone, since is JC/POLY and everyone has made new friends and there's this whole priority shift and all. i just hope that we had fun singing k today!

okay, i didn't sing, because i don't know any mainstream/chinese songs at all. i just threw 10 bucks away LOL! i feel outdated suddenly, been listening to "underground" songs and when i said "WHO LIKES MAYDAY PARADE?" yesterday during dinner with what's left of IG26 everyone just stared at me -.-

but, i mean, CHINESE SONGS?! i can't even read the lyrics, they're all in traditional!

IG outing was fun as well! although it started really late and we all turned into potato couches (zach, your beanbag is really comfy btw). the KUNGFU GAME WAS DAMN FUN HAHAHAHA omg i want to play it again. guitar hero was fun as well. the company was fun too! and i like the carpark rooftop =D

we SHOULD really stay in touch, seeing how things are always on the brink of falling apart sucks. sometimes we can't really do much about it.

T22 outing was hell of a good time too! although we didn't get to prawn, pool was fun-ner! girls didn't go as usual, wonder what's the reason seperating the guys and the girls. i look at other classes and even though there's just two girls they seem to coexist just fine!

watched Avatar with 423, REALLY GREAT SHOW. had a fun time but Jin pissed me off in the end >:( oh well.

HO HO HO~

Christmas gathering with the family was really nice, the food was great as usual, but presents, nah, didn't get a lot. wasn't expecting presents too! but my brother got me something, haha, first time. how sweet is that!

Oh,

and i made a birthday card for my mom, i mean, its something that i actually put in effort for her in a LONG LONG time. stayed up till around 1plus 2 and luckily my dad was away for meeting so when he came back my mom was asleep so he could write on the card in secret =D. my brother wrote it in the morning while my mom was busy and we gave her a little surprise! now all i want to do is to surprise my dad next year with a card as well.

just did another birthday card for my granddad too. i think that we should really really put in the effort for what we make for people. even if it takes hours to think/draw a card for the person. buying cards from stalls isn't sincere at all! or giving expensive stuff just because its "in" or "hip" to have one.

did i mention that i got a nerf gun from leon and co.? =DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

and i really like this particular birthday card that i got from someone. hush hush <3.

Across the waters

Batam and kahang was really really fun too. oh, made new friends at kahang too! colette, caleb, suanhin, jinghui, vicki, nicole and a lot more that i can't name now. they were a really fun bunch, and although the activities were quite "i've done this before" it just isn't the same when you do it with a new bunch of people. i know we won't sort of "catch up" with one another or "gather" and stuff but i just hope that we'll be closer friends if we do get the chance to see each other in school and all.

its just a pity that i won't see the kids in an'nur for a long, long time.

i guess, this brings an end to 2009. thinking about it, other than the people, school life is pretty much the same.

i'm just glad that next year will probably be the last year for school.

happy new year everyone!

sometimes when people don't tell people things until they are forced to, trouble happens. people will feel bad, then things go haywire.

i don't like it =(

anyway, i got TWO christmas cards! (up from one last year). =D. one from velda and one from luke, which i didn't expect to get at all.

am i deprived or are we already living in an age where christmas cards don't matter. XD

that's what empower U does to you. we became kings and queens for three days.

but there was one segment on the third day that wasn't so pleasing, it was more of a torment, doreen and chermaine would know >

got high from all the dancing and all, not really dancing, just following those on stage, but fun nonetheless. would be better without the water though!

anyway, talking about groups, i got a really great group that sort of opened up on the third day. but these four girls just seem to be conjoined quads at the start or something

batam:

its kind of a mix of emotions, amalgam. haha. its like, first when you get there and you're just following the crowd through the immigration and checking into the hotel and the briefing and all, you feel kind of lost, its not really exciting because you aren't in charge of anything, you're just following the herd. it gets boring. then when you get to the orphanage and you see people already starting work and you have nothing to do. you feel even more lost.

then, someone stands up and takes charge, and you follow him/her, you take charge as well. you become his partner in leading and try to get things done. maybe you might think that you're trying to be funny, but then you tell yourself, "if i don't, who will?"

and at the end of the day, when you get into the hotel with your bunkmates, you have a hell lot of fun and getting to know each other. you realise that some people just can't bathe in a bathtub for nuts. and some people DO wash their clothes themselves. and some people don't bother if you actually mess the place up or not. and you watch soccer late into the night for the first time in your life and actually enjoy the sport somehow, and talk cock way later into the night

until you realise that you're late for breakfast the next day. and that you're the first to wake up.

and everything sets in, going to the orphanage and playing with kittens and kiddos, coming back for meals that don't arrive and for some reflection, then having free time spent with someone you love and the class. watching the stars together, talking cock, doing shit, running around the hotel, running IN a hotel room and stuff like that.

and when all is done and you say goodbye, a part of you actually doesn't want to, its almost tear inducing in a way. you feel like living this carefree life forever, and for once you admire the kids for the carefree lives that they lead, uncertain about the future but they don't seem to care. and when you come home to your room, you find it hard to adjust to normal life again, but marvel at how easily you adjusted to life outside of singapore.

maybe its because you're ready for it.

Kahang:

almost like Sec 2 ACE Camp, just less taxing, and less less strict. i was kinda prepared for it, all the mud, rain and all. but i didn't expect our tent to be flooded and be on the verge of flying on the FIRST afternoon around 3 hours after arrival. it sucked, really. we slept on the floor of the multipurposehall after that, and it was much better than a hot/cold tent.

first night was spent shivering with jing hui sharing the CJ gym towel. hahaha! second night was spent sleeping in a wet sleeping bag, opening it afterwards only to get bites all over. third night was spent playing cards with my tentmates until 4. then i realised that i woke up at 5 plus, looked to the group beside me and SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHed very loudly without knowing, cus they were noisy.

and kahang was really fun cus of someone. haha. and i made new friends! a fun bunch too, but a group of people were really cliquish(as put by velda), nope, i don't like cliquish people. or ONE cliquish PERSON.

and at the end of the day, shopping was fun.

thats about all. nights

-twenty fourth to fourth.

just came back from kahang. i wanted to blog but i just can't find the strength to. ><. i shall talk about batam tomorrow i

guess.

batam was fun! it's so similar to ace camp in sec 2, except that its not so strict and we get more more more freedom =D

tired.

-Morning seems so far away

Mindchamps graduation today, i forgot to prepare my speech so i came to class thinking that i'll be doomed but as usual no one did, well, no one from Classics did except stepf who wrote a letter instead of a speech and i'm so sorry! so yeah, we did our presentations and stuffs and then we did our speeches which i FORGOT what i was supposed to say the moment i went up, malu to the max ><.

after mindchamps i had lunch with mel huangliang and doreen before going down to bugis to meet jin and pork to get my LG phone..well, to get Leon's LG phone from jin to be exact. went to sim lim to get jin's PSP and yes you owe me money thanks =D. after that i took the train home and went to bishan for dinner!

went to bishan, turned out that i could repair my phone there, so i did. then my dad's contract had to be renewed so he said why not get a cheap 0 dollar phone. so yep i did too. lets hope that i keep this phone SAFE. and velda! i don't throw it around! it just slipped from my hand, seriously!

yeah, the thing slipped from my hand the moment i turned it on and it fell to the floor. -.-. malu again.

and I came to the conclusion that NEW phones are more sophisticated and thus spoil easier than OLD phones. =D

okay, not OLD phones, but phones that don't have that much gadgets and stuff like walkman or cameras or touchscreen.

OCIP on tuesday! i hope its going to be fun, i hope the people that i'm bunking in with will be cool people too! =DDD lets hope that HOMOYLEE won't blow her top cus we'll still have to see her next week. and lets hope that we actually accomplish something so we don't waste everyone's time money and most of all EFFORT.

its also pretty cool about the fact that my brother is actually staying at home tomorrow when he's on "off". because 99% of the time he'll be out with dawn or something i don't know. lol. and A levels are coming to an end which means yay dawn's pain is over! jia you! haha. same goes for my cousin and my two ncc part C ICs. lol. nope, haven't forgotten about them.

and yeah, this quote seems pretty cool as well.

"in order to lift yourself up, you have to lift someone else up."

get the drift?

holidays are gonna get so busy....for velda and for me too =(

well for her its a good cause of camps and holidays but for me i think i'm gonna go plan more outings..because

1. i tried to con luke and teresa into buying my cookies for 10 bucks but they conned me into planning an IG outing.

and because I MISS IG26! =( whatever happened to the "we've only known each other for 5 days but i think we've known each other for 5 years" =(

2. 6.6 needs an outing before it falls apart =(

3. Mok is organising prawning because paintball failed =(

4. BATAM OCIP!

5. KAHANG CAMP!

6. someone suggested going to Genting

7. i want to hangout with V E L D A .....D=

8. and jin and leon and pork and gaybo and fish and 1T22 and loads of loads of peeps =(

9. and mindchamps is ending soon, but i want to go out with mindchamps peeps

oh speaking of mindchamps..its really interesting how my perception of things changed over this half a year (obviously not from the help of mindchamps, seriously. its just a mega conning corporation, cheers leon)

anyway, like 1 month before going in i was DREADING mindchamps ttm, didn't want to go, would give up ANYTHING not to go. in the end i agreed cus i would get my drums (which i got 5 months later). still didn't feel like going, but someone told me to face everything with a positive attitude, which i tried, really.

in the end the positive attitude thing didn't work out. but i just began to accept it as part of my sunday life, and luckily i could relate to my trainer, who's from the same generation, more or less, from SJI then CJ and knows pretty much most of the teachers that i know. so yep. and really fun people (stepf just smsed me about NOVENA. LOL!) that i can relate to and have fun with. class content itself was boring, but my trainer told stories outside of class that i could also relate to. and yeah, just go there to make friends, take it as sunday relaxation session and go doodle all over and have fun cheating during tests of sec 3 standard so you can pass something without studying(first time you get that sense of achievement...and not to mention that so they can con you into believing that their methods work)

at least, i get something out of it. =)

tried to catch up with a few people lately, getting separated for one year with different social circles kind of makes you lose contact with everyone else. and you don't don't don't want that to happen because its just pitiful don't you think?

anyway, here's something nice to listen to. tried to surprise jin by making him guess where the singer of Mayday Parade ran off to but apparently he knew it already -.-

-two hundred and thirty five and counting

after tomorrow, everything will be fine, okay, back to normal. it'll be two hundred and thirty six, then seven, then eight.

we'll hold hands like every other day, we'll laugh like we always did, it'll all return to normal =)

forget about 13/11, that doesn't matter now.

-oh who would ever want to be king?

OP this tuesday

forgot to pay for my drum lessons today

class outing on Friday!

so this is where my drums will be (for the time being), until something happens to my room to make it magically soundproofed or someone chases my neighbours away or make them go deaf or mute so they can't complain....so for now, they're muffled, and it sounds retarded but oh well.

gonna buy an amp for my brother's 19th birthday. so i need to go to peninsula soon.

and OP rehearsal tomorrow!

yesterday was... class outing!

well, again, not really the whole class, but just me, justin, osel, joel, mok, mark, azriel, eugene, weijun and derek.

as usual the girls didn't come idk why oh well

it was raymond's birthday as well but he didn't turn up o.0. we could have celebrated his birthday!

walked around tpy looking for something to eat, went to entertainment centre and while waiting for sakae sushi i ventured into the arcade and messed around with the machines, played one game of this Ghost Squad thing and then we went off.

sakae was too expensive so we went back to HDBHub.. saw zhiyoong there and when me and eugene wanted to just wave hi to him (because he didn't acknowledge my presence when i waved hi the first time) he made hand gestures for me to scram! D=

walked to koufu and we packed food and went to the area underneath the huge TV screen to sit down and eat and talk cock. then we took the bus to Safra because Mok said that Osel said that there's a bowling alley which i have absolutely no idea where it is.

went to Safra and found out that there was NO bowling alley. so we went to the pool/billards table and they were all booked. so we took the bus back to Hub again and took the train to Dhoby Ghaut. went to play pool at MonsterCue for about 30 minutes or so and then me derek and mark left. -.-

took the bus home, stopped outside ian's home and RAN all the way back. yep, i ran. didn't want to be late.

reached home at exactly 11.45 and feeling bloody guilty because my mom stayed up waiting for me. never gonna do that again. never going out for late class outings again.

anyway when OP and Chinese As is over i'm gonna go shopping again! and then movies and ECP and everything and KBOX and everything

and sometimes i kind of forget that i actually failed my promos. and wondering whether i deserve all these "enjoyment" at all.

then again, retain/don't retain/poly/no poly?

-we fell again

i fell again

am i going to pick myself up, or crawl out another hole?

today was stupid, woke up on the wrong side of the bed (no this has got nothing in relation to the talk today)

OP was screwed up because i did 2 minutes only, the given times is 5. that's bad.

got back my GP results, subpassed but that's the least of my worries right now. Maths, Physics, Econs, Geog...

went to sleep when i went home and woke up at 9.30 and i haven't done anything yet.

shit.

it was a windy night

we were on this hill

you were talking about how we met

i laughed, and you smiled

we looked up into the night sky

city lights and buildings stared back at us

i didn't ask myself: "where are the stars?"

- i just want to say...

HAPPY

BIRTHDAY

VELDA!!!!

=DDD

have a great sunday darling =)

don't be criticised. agree first, then give suggestions. don't judge until you're forced to. be confident, be early, be prepared. think out of the box but don't smash it. be forgiving. be sensitive. don't think too much. think right. change. don't ignore problems, know the right time to address them. don't ask, do. step out of the circle. follow the crowd. strike the right conversation. smile. open doors, leave them open.

Very very nice song =D. it hits home!

my drums are dismantled =(

gotta wait until i soundproof my room then i can put it back together and play. oh well, its the o and a level period now so being the considerate neighbour that i always am i shall not touch the drums =D

there's school tomorrow, which sucks, because i have to fish out all my exam papers in my now messy-again room, blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh =/ and then there's OP and CHINESE A levels.. when are we going to get back our promo results?

shermaine and hee zhi can't wait to go out with 6.6 again. kbox outing soon yeah? or just a dinner =). don't know if a mass outing is going to work again? or just the few of us...

anyhow, can't wait to play my drums. lets hope school tomorrow will be fun and happy birthday weijun! =)

promos are over, i think i said it before. lol.

anyway, went out on wednesday with velda, raymond, jin, pork and leon. then they dunked me, i think there was a LOT of air time during the first throw? the last one almost made me fall ON THE FLOOR instead of into the pool if i didn't jump. XD

mom saw and she got angry, so they stopped.

went out quite late to dhoby xchange and they surprised us with presents, as in, all the october babies. raymond got his WOW card, jin got his bag (which....he chose..), velda got a MATCHING pencil case LOL and a HUGE HUGE MR. HAPPY

! and i got EGG CARTONS and A NERF GUN! LOL!

yes, they got me a nerf gun. thanks everyone! (and for the sake of the tagboard, thank you JIN and LEON. LOL)

and teresa and luke, i didn't mean it! =(

shifted the drums into my room yesterday and tried playing. i played for less than 10 minutes, and then the guard came up telling me someone complained already. what retardedness -.-

i guess i should get a carpet and look for some soundproofing info soon.

went out with velda just now to novena square for dinner =DDDDD

oh well, thats all! =)

-blow the candles, you're seventeen

wheee finally! i had a great birthday yesterday, and of course on FRIDAY! won't ever forget friday. haha

thanks everyone! =D

anyway, minus 41 marks for maths, i think its the lowest so far. lets hope for an S!

and mindchamps friends thank you for the surprise, i really didn't see it coming. LOL! and the cake! and the card! please tell me whose idea it was. LOL!

thanks dave for the shirt, it fits me just fine =)

aaand thank you for my parents for getting me my drumset! even though it wasn't on the birthday or intended to be my present, i'll just take it as it is. HAHA!

thanks luke and teresa for THINKING about getting me a present! XD

basically the list is too long lah, 6.6 peeps, sji peeps, cj peeps mc peeps everyone thank you all =)

AND THANK YOU VELDA! YOU KNOW WHY! =DDD

PROMOS ENDING SOOON!

lol i just remembered AGAIN that my birthday is this sunday, i keep forgetting -.-

hint hint? =D

ANYWAY, physics today was i don't know i think it was terrible, oh well. like what SOMEONE said, over is over =)

but then again maths isn't going to bring me much hope. econs!

-bom bom cha

my drums finally came in on saturday! the guy set it up with the original drum heads and the whole thing actually looked BIGGER than expected (problem number one). then after he set it up i "tried" to play it, so i hit the snare ONCE and the whole living room rattled, i looked at my dad and he looked at me and said "ni3 zi4 ji3 bao3 zhong4" . (problem number two).

but velda told me that her very musically talented neighbours play the drums and piano the whole day and they don't complain about it, so i guess it would be okay until my brother hit the snare again (the drums are now in his room) and his girlfriend said that it was loud.

so out of goodwill he helped me to switch to the muffled heads and cymbals =D

today was GP exam, it was kind of OKAY, i think.... don't know. overconfidence is NOT a good thing. but i thought it was OKAY, maybe because my mind was on maths and physics ><

did question 11, the one about a singaporean heartbeat and then i came home and told Dawn and my brother about it and they shot down my points HA HAHA see thats what you get for B grade GP people.

NE quiz was GONE CASE HAHA!

after that went to seek consultation from ms tay, which was fruitful =)

maybe i'm going to find her on wednesday as well i dunno....

study physics physics and more physics!

-does it feel like you've never been alive inside

studying is taking the life out of me =(

and i still feel that i haven't studied enough! and the truth is that I HAVENT! BAHHHHHH

everyone's progressing except you, howwwwwwww...

-Nine

was having night study yesterday, did hydro lectures 1 and 2. finally i understand it because the lecturer didn't make any sense (i have two hands and you throw a lot of balls at me, can i catch all the balls?) HUH!?

mok and ying zhang fell asleep because poor them they had only 1 hour max of sleep the day before because of PW written report.

and yes, PW should be scrapped because its just so unfair (like derek's case) when one member has the capability to screw everything up from being above expectations to be BELOW the word limit in just ONE night. ONE delete button ruins everything. and of course, ONE person.

ouch, right? i feel the pain for all of the group members who were unfortunate enough.

anyway, during night study leon smsed me reminding me about the F1 race, and i was like "whoa, its here already? so fast?" one year really went by so fast huh, last year this time i was at night study as well, this year this time i am STILL at night study. the years go by but the things we do are still the same. trying to listen during lectures, giving up because we couldn't be bothered to try anymore, not understanding tutorials, turning to tuition, failing tests, panicking, chionging during the last month, thinking that you haven't done enough, go for night study....and leave everything EVERYTHING up to chance after that.

i hope it changes next year.

anyway after night study i went up to velda's house to pass her some chocolates that i "won" during physics remedial (the teacher practically gave everyone chocolates), and she gave me dumplings in return! hahaha

tuition today was CANCELLED 15 minutes before it started. ARGH. damnit. but at least it gave me time to do other things, concentrating too much on maths is gonna kill you when you already know that you can't do well in it because of the cycle stated above.

gonna go out for dinner with velda (smiles) later! =D. she's gonna end church soon so yayy we got more time together haha.

and i think someone suggested prawning after promos =D

and OH OH OH OH OH

3rd october! its small and tiny but i think that descriptions suits me just fine =D

can't wait to smash on it.

this is just amazing

-Knockoff and relationships

Leon knocked off from work, while i knocked off from life. at least just during this two hours, where time stops (in a sense) and resume after that, meaning the hectic revision and praying that you get promoted and all.

i got the first part of my present from velda today! YAY!!!! HAHAHAHA! its just a pity that there's no more room in my bag and i had to return it to her. -.-

can't wait to get it back though =D thanks <3!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, today mindchamps had its last lesson on confident communicator, and parents were invited but wth the activities were so boring i told my parents not to come.

then i regretted it.

its so coincidental, i was talking to velda about (confidential) before physics remedial and mindchamps addressed the same (confidential) issue as well, so its like...emo ttm. when i was talking about it at MOS burger after that, doreen said that she could see the "sad" look in my face. =(

then samuel was singing apologise and drumming and everything AS USUAL! HAHA!

chatted quite a bit with the mindchamps peeps, pity that the attendance list wasn't full, but oh well. when you go out with too many people, its hard to divide your attention among so many people, in the end there's no improvement in the friendship and everything stays at the same i-joke-you-joke-we-lepak kind of thing.

and it goes the same for everyone else, like for example the lunch at plaza sing with mok and co. suddenly there's so much more connection than i ever thought.

oh yes, i don't think i've said it before but nevermind. i was chatting with leon on the phone one day and we were talking about friends, so i decided to list out all my circles of friends so here goes!

velda (because we got SO MUCH CONNECTION HAHAHA)

6.6/6.5 (which is a miracle that we still keep in contact, really.)

or maybe 6.6, then 6.5 people..

209 (which we rarely talk to each other now, which is a pity..)

423 (i still love you guys but i'm so sorry about the seoul garden buffet D=)

mindchamps (heh.)

IG26 (or just the few of us who turned from friends to best friends)

T22 (which is SO much fun and comfortable to be around with)

and then there's this most important thing, which is your family. ms ho talked about it, velda talked about it, gloria (if i'm not wrong) talked about it. and everything is true

they're still closer than all our friends after all

and of course, there's you =)

Time-

They (mindchamps) say that there are two kinds of people in this world, people who are IN time and people who are THROUGH time.

people who are IN time tend to be late, give overdue work, don't bother if they're friends are late, don't chase people for deadlines, you know. (BUT ITS NOT THE SAME AS PROCRASTINATION) because when they do things, they give their 100% attention. they can talk to you on the phone until the next morning and continue on to the next night because they are giving you their 100% attention.

people who are THROUGH time meet deadlines, are always early for meet ups and all, bascially people who seem to be on time all the way. but the bad thing is that they tend to rush through things, they don't immerse themselves in their work because what's on their mind is to meet the deadline and move on. but nonetheless, they still produce results because deadlines are deadlines. handing up late work won't give you your mark, right?

so, who's the better person?

of course, i can say that i'm a IN time person plus 100% procrastination. that explains why i'm on the phone for 3 4 hours? but i'm tired, and i can't be bothered to type more

-you only see the world through the lenses that you wear-

mindchamps today was...fruitful?

y'know, sometimes we say things that hurt people without us knowing (quoted from doreen).

and its so true, sometimes you get pissed off, then you don't know what you're doing. all you want to do is to vent everything out, so you take it out on someone. usually this someone is someone close to you, it might even be someone you love. you take it out on that person and you make hurtful remarks because you're so aggressive and everything.

and like the story of the tempered boy and his nails plus hammer and the fence, everytime you throw a temper, its like hammering a nail into a fence, even if you apologise and take the nail off, the hole is still there. there's nothing you can do to fill up the hole.

everyone can forgive but can they forget ?

then someone had this great sharing about Lenses. these are the ways that you see the world, it sort of changes your mindset really. like if you percieve someone as an irritating bastard who deserves to be slapped (ahem, tessa..) then really you will want to slap that irritating bastard

and like what justin said, your parents are really the ones who have unconditional love for you

but thats really random.

anyway, when we take off these lenses, its when we begin to see that things aren't the way we think they are. things aren't so bad, people around us aren't so bad after all.

and like what eunice said, which i agree and i've been following this mindset since i don't know when. there are so so so so many people living around us in this world, maybe, just maybe, 80% of them are irritating and deserve to be slapped. do we expect all of these people to change? can we even do that?

there's only one person that we can change

*waits to increase the epic-level*

us.

we can only change ourselves, if we don't change ourselves, how are we going to make our lives better off?

anyway, something really STUPID happened to me after CC. while we were walking to the entertainment centre i was so excited to show the peeps about the gaming cafe with cheap rates. so when i saw the rock band controller i SLAMMED my hands on the glass panel and jumped up and down pointing at the guitar controller. then who knew THE COUNTER WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. SHIT! DAMN EMBARRASSING LAH!

okay, goodnight!

chatted with leon on the phone until 4am last night.

talked about our OBS experiences, and i never knew an obs group could get itself into that much shit o.o

he told me that i need anger management courses. hahahah

then we talked about all our teachers, aaron, teh, kaur, gina, simon, beryl. all of them. i still remember the time when beryl sent me out just because i talked about her nationality. hah.

then we talked about what happens if i fail promos. =/

and then we talked about how to GET ME TO STUDY. which apparently i'm not motivated enough yet. =/

dont wanna start a countdown to promos, its scary. ITS SCARY!

as i am trying to read my geography notes, let me just type out a quick post here.

did project work today which i must say is quite productive. but then towards the end of the study session at around 5 something happened. =/

went downstairs to do GP with ian at night

yeah

it sucks when you can't upload pictures.

anyway, went for army open house today and they had this interesting bmi check. turns out my bmi was PES C standard. HAR HAR HAR HARHAR!!!! THIS IS GOOD NEWS! LOL!

oh i realised that dave keeps commenting about my size. no actually EVERYONE does! haha, people sometimes still ask me if i'm affected by it. oh, i remember, orientation! people said that they were surprised that i'm not affected when people ask me why i'm so thin and all. i guess its just because i've gotten used to it. its my body anyway and DAMNIT IT SUCKS WHEN YOU CANT UPLOAD PICTURES!

blogging becomes so plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnnnnn

life is plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainnnnnn without a phone too. imagine everyone trying to get to you and you can't get to them and they think you're daoing them or what. >=(

i think its time to give up my life without a phone, especially since someone is missing me too much haha. but we get to talk ON thep hone!

sunday

went for mindchamps, felt that it was a waste of time, hung out with the mindchamps people after that =)

went to espirit, saw this shirt that costs a hundred bucks, melissa, dave and joel said it looked okay on me

didn't buy it in the end

after samuel's drum lesson we went to wermm.....ah yes, paradiz to hang out at this studio under the pretext that samuel was going to teach me and stef some drumming techniques!

in the end we just wasted more time, HAHA! can't upload pictures though.. =(

came home and did a little of PW before getting ready for school the next day. =o

monday

teachers day eve! couldn't wait for school to end at 4, went to ntuc and toa payoh with velda to get her routine snacks XD. went home to change after that and met clemence, heeai and shermaine at toa payoh mrt. went to ion after that to get 20 seats at swensens, reduced to 12 after that =/.

the outing was kinda.....................................................yeah.

came home at 11 plus, fell asleep without charging my phone.

tuesday

woke up at 9.30, cursed at my phone for not ringing the alarm. found that my phone was DEAD. couldn't turn it on, took out battery and tried again, still couldn't on. figured that it could be that the battery was totally flat, or maybe it dropped to the floor while vibrating, so i plugged it in, then the RED LIGHT OF DEATH showed up at the back of the phone. =O
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!! D=

shit, why TODAY OF ALL DAYS MUST MY PHONE BE SPOILT. imagine all the 423 peeps trying to call me, imagine luke and teresa trying to call me to wake me up!

so after velda came down to assess the damage done to my phone, we decided to go to bishan for lunch/repair the damn thing.

stupid SE, as luke puts it, i bet they set all phones to spoil after a certain number of days because TERESA WHO BOUGHT HER PHONE ON THE SAME MONTH AS ME GOT HER PHONE SPOILT TOO!

went to espirit AGAIN, tried on the SAME shirt, luke, teresa, velda said it was too big. =o

wednesday

first day to school without a phone, baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddd =(

had to use a damn payphone to call mok after my drum lessons

couldn't call velda to ask her where she was after the WiE thing

thursday

i fell sick.

you watch two balloons fly up into the air, tied together, never seperating

you wonder if all that you have done was worthwhile, or if all those "thankyou"s were just hollow words

you feel like giving up, but something tells you to press on

you want to press on, but other issues make you give up

you fall sick, unexpectedly

someone really doubted you

you have to make choices between two equally difficult situations, and you stand up for yourself

you really think that everything was WORTHWHILE

every. single. thing.

since its one am, i shall not talk a lot.

night study has been shitty today, didn't do much. =/

and night study is giving me another BAD routine. =/

okay, bb!

my leg hurts like SHIT. ARGH

phototaking tomorrow, and because i threw away the spray/wax in my toilet, i got nothing to wax my fringe/bangs up. yes, i have bloody bangs because of the stupid incident on thursday. still can't get over it. -.-

but at least, someone got her wish. HAHAHAHA!

anyway, lets just go BACKWARDS, don't you think that its fun to look at things from the last to the first?

sunday aka TODAY, or yesterday since its 12.07 now. went for mindchamps, was pretty darn boring because of the "be a trainer day" thing, damn sian, couldn't stand it so i started drawing the Mr. Bean beanie thingy on my sketchpad. when it was our turn i don't know whether we did a good job, but i guess melissa saved my ass a couple of times. LOL!

in the end we got the first placing. XD!

okay, then during lesson i found XXXXXXX pretty darn irritating as well, i guess YYYYY and ZZZZZZZZ agree with me, yeah yeah? (those Xs and Ys and Zs are NOT typed according to the number of letters in the names yeah, don't bother guessing.)

yes, XXXXX is damn irritating, but i shall follow what mel said, no point getting pissed off over such things that don't harm me in any way. i'm just harming myself.

going back to saturday, went to my grandma's house for steamboat and cake because it was my 4 year old cousin's birthday. is he 4 or 5 years old now, i dunno ><. had LOTS and LOTS of food, but the strawberry fizz tasted like cough medicine o.o and the pigs liver wasn't cooked properly. then after that i played with my cousin and helped him to build his train track set. then his sister was SO CUTE! the moment i picked up one track, she came up to me and said, "gor gor de...ni2 bu4 ke2 yi3 na2..." then she just took the train set and walked over to the other end of the living room and "hid" it behind her.

so i picked up another track, then she came up to me and DID THE EXACT SAME THING! LOL! so adorable! so me being me i couldn't give up on the tracks, so when she was pre-occupied with other things i just helped my cousin finish his track thingy.

after that they went into their room to check out my brother who was sleeping on their bed because he was so worn out from camp, then i went in to sms and slack off also while those outside were watching Ms Hong Kong 2009 (the girls were hideous). then that little girl AGAIN took her brother's bolster from me because i used it as a pillow. so i told her "but your brother lent me"

apparently she didn't understand, so i asked the brother whether he could lend me, then he said yes and that made her give up. so she started sitting on me and the brother was playing with my phone and sliding it up and down and laughing everytime it lit up and the "locked" sign came on. so adorable!

so after that we cut the cake....red bean and green tea cake, eww. came home with a bad stomach. ><

but the toddlers seemed to like it so much o.o. maybe they didn't know what it was made of, just that because it was a cake it must have tasted nice to them. birthdays were always fun for everyone when they were young, no?

anyway, during confident communicator on friday, the trainer, eunice, talked about masks. then i was immediately reminded of that mask picture that i drew some time back. "you can't hide behind what you don't know"

she talked about the many masks and the main reason why we wear masks, its because we are afraid, that our strengths will not be recognised, we doubt them, and it hurts our mindset, which forces us to wear this fake bullshit in order to hide our fears.

i think, everyone has done that before, right? i'm sure i did, but oh well, its just NORMAL.

but, what if you don't know what you're hiding behind? what if you're so afraid, when you fear that someone might see through your mask? do you wear another one? and then another, and another, and another until you truly do NOT know what you're hiding behind? until you've totally let go, or lost, and didn't bother finding back your true self? Eunice took five years to take that mask of hers off, what if some people never did?

can you still continue hiding? or will your masks just slowly melt away, revealing all of your insecurities, leaving you feeling bare and AFRAID.

just like what leon said, "when you tell a lie, you would try to cover it up with another lie, and then another and another until you don't know what you're trying to cover up."

so i say, if you find that your masks are melting away (like what i drew, a wax mask melting away), let them. because most likely, those masks made of wax are being warmed by the care and love of those around you, those that truly care for you. open up to them, let them melt(sounds weird, but nevermind, its 12.23 and i'm not thinking straight), let them melt your masks down until they reveal your true self. thats when you've opened up to them, thats when you find that you're truly being accepted by those who truly love you. you might break down in tears at times, your eyes might be wide open with shock, at how swiftly this person is able to see through your masks, but ultimately, you do know that this person has spent so much time and effort in trying to get rid of those things, and you're grateful for that. =D

i'll try to post it up once blogger is done with its nonsense, i think its meaningful to post it up again, just so that everyone sees it.

and now i think that what i've typed doesn't make any sense, because that wasn't what eunice told us. but oh dang, since when did i listen in class?

alright, gonna go sleep. nights!

friday! yay yay yay!

school was so so lah, totally slack and stuff, after that we went for astro which we had to do water rockets (geeky LOL!)

anyway, all i can remember now is what happened after that. something really BAD happened to velda ><. went to subway after that to eat dinner and like, chit chat while under the stalking eyes of tessa HAHAH JKJK

went to CONFIDENT COMMUNICATOR AKA MINDCHAMPS SHIT with a trainer that looked really pissed off when i had to answer a call -.-. i think it was from swee lee (OMG DRUMSDRUMSDRUMS) but when i called back nobody answered, after that i called it during the break and i think MINDCHAMPS answered. =o

wth.

then during the 6 to 9 i was REALLY bored out of my skull....seriously =/. but after lesson we chit chatted abit and samuel suggested that we three (stepfanie me and him) should go jamming on sunday =o.

lets see how yeah? =D

PROMOS ARE COMING!

night study seems to be much more productive than staying at home and slacking off. and it helps me SLEEP EARLY (which is what i need because i don't wanna faint in assembly again) once i get home because i feel accomplished =D

see a lot of SJI peeps going for night study which i guess it helps to maintain the friendship that we shared in SJI =DDDD

kinda glad for it. haha

but of course, its gonna get me reallllly exhausted, the schedule now is gonna become the same as pre-O level period already, which is tiring D=. and i don't get to spend much time with velda =(

=( =( =( =( =( =( =(

after promos, =D. cus i NEED to get promoted, damn scared i tell you, damn scared.

oh, lunch with luke teresa and velda on teachers day =D

project work towday was fucked up because Ho shot down all our ideas, now we have to continue thinking about new ones. gah. why didn't MOE SCRAP IT THIS YEAR INSTEAD!

anyway, mok asked me on what i was going to blog about when i told him that i was gonna blog, and i was seriously clueless about what i was going to talk about.

is my life becoming so mundane and boring, repetitive? nope. =D

cus i have.......HEHEHEHEHEHE XDXD

ohoh, played yellow by coldplay for drums today, start slow ya? not going to get my drums until october anyway, after promos mmmhmmm

did i mention that I. HATE. HAIR. CHECKS. Har told me yesterday that my fringe was getting long, somemore still dare to ask me "got cut anottttttt?" when I CHOPPED MY HAIR OFF IN FRONT OF THE PE OFFICE. wth.

john, i hope you understand my pain now. HAHAHAH!

PS: night study today was with sly, shanjin and ian.

so watch what you say

my dearest dear dear dearie doo has a blog! hahaha! let's see how long she can keep it alive =D

I FEEL DAMN SLACK THIS WEEKEND. this is REALLY BAD SHIT

anyway back to topic, today's mindchamps was really really slack. didn't learn anything, just talked cock with the Classics and got a few points here and there for coming up to draw stuff. david is being an asshole by trying to put me and tessa together. WTH! like that's gonna happen, i already have my dearest dear dear dearie doo!

had bubble tea, mcflurry and half a sausage mcmuffin from melissa for 2nd breakfast (burger king was 1st breakfast) during the break, slacked more, then watched joel dance in front of the class, that guy's smooth man. haha

dad made udon for lunch. yum :DDDDDD

tried to do a little work, couldn't get things done, so i went up to velda's place to help her with her WR, ended up doing her blog instead -.-. UNPRODUCTIVE. SHIT!

went out for dinner, this place called bottletree.com.sg at sembawang i THINK. its beside the beach =DDDD, rained REALLY HEAVILY while we were eating chili tomato crab, couldn't hear each other talking ><

i don't want to go to school tomorrow, but at least its the even week timetable, not as bad as the odd week one, odd weeks SUCK. THEY SUCK BAD.

LAST WEEK SUCKED AS WELL. PARTICULARLY THURSDAY.

hair checks are fking irritating -.-

thought my hair was long, so i went to cut it after national day celebrations on friday, went to the auntie and told her to cut SHORTER somemore. then my hair turned out to be REALLY short.

not short enough for jeffery har apparently -.-

got CAUGHT FOR MY LONG BACK, SIDEBURNS AND FRINGE on wednesday. along with 3/4 of the boys in class, only francis, yingzhang, dom and justin escaped

so i went to school the next day and borrowed wei pings scissors to cut my back since i felt that that was the only thing that was needed to cut, snipped off about 3/4cm? went to see jeffery har again with raymond and osel and still failed the hair check -.-.

sun-da-nam shouted at us(weijun, joel, derek, raymond, osel and me) for wasting his time because he "doesn't fancy doing things like hair checks" and gave us 1 hour to cut our hair at 10am. so we went to toa payoh to cut. went back to the same shop that i cut-ted on friday and told the auntie "i got caught -.-"

so she gave me a free trim on the sides because san-da-nam said that my sides were "untidy"

went back, STILL FAILED HAIRCHECK!

got scolded even more, had to read out the paragraph on "no spiky, outlawish etc etc hair. sideburns must be above mid-ear, fringe below eyebrow is not allowed" in the diary.

-.-

so in the end we got the worst form of public embarrassment by cutting our hair with a pair of scissors in front of the canteen.

-.-

stupid, stupid, stupid. and to think that i never got caught for hair of this (referring to the length before i chopped EVERYTHING) before in sji or cj until jeffery har caught us.

stupid.

now i'm fking blacklisted by sun-da-nam. which means that the next time he catches me it'll be soooooooooo much worse, i'm sure derek doesn't want that to happen to him. i feel like smashing something in his face right now. the thought of what i was forced to do on thursday MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL. it's totally redundant i swear, you don't have to stand in front of the canteen to CUT YOUR HAIR WITHOUT A MIRROR, you don't have to make sure ALL THE HAIR DOESNT FALL ON THE GRASS and its unfair that YOU GOT ONLY 1 DAY TO CUT YOUR HAIR WHEN STUDENT COUNCILLORS THAT DIDNT EVEN TRY TO CUT WERE GIVEN ONE WEEKEND.

its a waste of time. a bloody waste of time. even the auntie at the shop told me "how come your school so strict? i see other students from RIJC or HCJC and they're hair is so much longer than all of you"

and to think we missed two lectures doing it. and oh, here's the best part. guess what this geog lecturer said when we walked into her lecture 10 minutes late.

"why are you all so late?" -with the irritating accent-

-silence-, so i said "we got sent out to cut our hair"

-gives the o.o face, clearly she doesn't know what the PE dept does- "so you got sent out to cut your hair? by who?" -with the irritating accent-

"mr sun-da-nam"

-turns to face the students- "so he says that he got sent out to cut his hair thats why he's late. is that a valid reasonnn~?" -irritating accent-

lecture hall, in unison: "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"

-shocked- "so in your case, you all may think that its a valid reason. however it is not for my case because this is my lesson. so it is YOUR responsibility to keep YOUR hair short so that you don't get caught for hair and thus come late for MY lecture. is that clear?"

idiot.

sweelee called some time ago, they told me that the rhythm travellers are coming in in OCTOBER which is also known as prelims month which is also known as my birthday month =(

so obviously i wouldn't be able to get that as a birthday present. haha.

anyway because i fell sick (yes, i passed my cough/fever to dom who in turn passed it back to me. so much for the arranged seating plan in lectures, we'll just keep passing it to each other back and forth huh. -.-) i was sitting in front of the TV switching between MTV, channel V, AXN, and all those entertainment channels. got hooked on this song called "dont forget" by demi lovato (or is it lavato, or levato) then i realised that i had heard it somewhere, turns out it was on melissa's ipod which i played during mindchamps.

oh, gaybo went to cut his hair too. and i went to cut mine as well and now it looks like shit =(. i think my back is SLIGHTLY longer than the rest. oh well, at least i won't be having to avoid jeksuan all the time =)

and Q's starting to miss my spiky hair too. haha. its back!

and teresa's making fun of me again. AGAIN! GAH I HATE YOUUUU!!!

oh, she told me to organise another "bestie" outing. then i realised that everytime we go out LUKE ALWAYS SUAN ME! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK LAH! RAWR

don't like youuu

okay anyway, realised that i haven't been going out very often lately. is it a good thing or a bad thing? hopefully its a good thing because if i don't go out it means that i'm at home studying. i hope. i tend to forget things easily doodeedoo

tessa pierced her i-don't-know-what it is and i have no intention to find out either.

and ying zhang is now the sex/great king of all, so remember to bow down and chant "all hail yingzhang" when you see him walking down the corridor with his millions of escorts okay. velda should post the pictures of the class worshipping him =D

have i posted this before?

you try to learn a lesson but you can't

oh by the way, we've been chosen for ASTRO committee, no joke. the first time i heard about it i was like WTF i thought i was in a slack cca? then the next second i thought, since i'm already in it, why not put some effort into it? why waste this chance? yeah people may say that astro is slack (i think its slack too) and no-life but hey they're not the ones in the cca, why should i "heck care" because they think astro is "heck care"? just like how Q got so into nexus, i think i should get into astro too.

oh, its demi lovato. lol

ian bought a printer, he brought it home to set it up. he plugged in the wires and installed the software. when he wanted to test the printer, he opened the paper feed slot. then he stoned, he lugged the printer all the way home but forgot to buy printing paper. FML.

anyway, i saw this quote (i think she wrote it) on velda's diary (can't remember where) a long time ago, i think in march or april, it read: the sand that slips through my fingertips

so i asked her: what does it mean?

she said that when we grip sand in our palm tighter, it flows out through our fingers faster

don't you think so?

yeah, i do.

woke up today at around 8 plus plus. did a little maths/physics before going to MOS burger for lunch with my brother. came back, had tuition on maths/physics. now i'm clear about forces =D, all i need is practice i guess. completed maths differentiations too.

checklist for tomorrow:
chinese
maths parametrics, inequalities, SLE
econs test on PC
GP homework on readings
EOM!

yeah ><

went for velda's church bridging event, was a little apprehensive at first but i guess i had fun =)

EDIT 11.36pm: got something to post, gonna write it out in bed then copy it down here so it'll be stored safely on the internet as quoted by hee ai

went home at 7.40, bathed, wanted to take a nap before dinner at 8. dinner started at 8.15, slept until 9.40. now i'm doing homework. yay.

its funny how a simple nickname, a simple question, a simple gesture, a simple look in the eyes, a simple sentence, a simple message, can make my mind go crazy with tons of possibilities, so much so i could go crazy, just trying to find out what's going on in your mind.

nope, i can't read yours, and you can't read mine.

but something is keeping us from falling apart, and i'm thankful for that.

you don't have to be a mind reader to know what the other person is thinking about, sometimes you wish it might be easier, sometimes you wish you could have tried harder. i hope i'm trying. i don't know if i am, i don't know if you know that i am.

sometimes you wish you could just let it all out, but you hold back for reasons unknown, its not because of a lack of trust, maybe its that something that's keeping us from falling apart, maybe that something is keeping me from letting it all out.

then you think, whats there to let out? you can't think of anything to say, you don't know what's wrong with your life, because there simply isn't anything wrong with you life. but when you strike that spot in that heart and the whole thing just melts, everything seems to just flow out (omg sick) but i got to hold it back, keep it inside. because what comes out wouldn't be coherent, it wouldn't even make sense. when i piece everything together, everything seems fine again, like, what is wrong? nothing.

so what is?

Labels: does love make you sad?

today i went for mindchamps and i think its getting better and better. went out with tessa and melissa for lunch at swensens and melissa (stares) kept going on and on about her ghost stories wth -.-.-..---.-.-.-

ANYWAY, wasn't feeling quite well during mindchamps, maybe its cus the aircon i thought i was falling sick, headache and stuff, was feeling not-alright the night before already. so after lunch because velda told me about her jagabee i went to ntuc to find, but couldn't find, so i went to the cheers beside ntuc, but still can't find. so i went to the cheers inside the interchange and yay! hahahahahaha

gonna make notes for econs later and do the umm umm MATHS tutorial tomorrow. yep yep yep. must set goals and achieve them =DDD after reading Q's blog, i feel so much more revived. WHOA!

anyway, leon just smsed me asking to borrow A HUNDRED AND TWENTY THREE BUCKS and without even thinking i just replied no so now he's like whining and whining -.-

do you think i need a new blogskin?

still have to hang the clothes and fold the clothes and velda is having a terrible backache >.<

anyway, listen to audience of one by rise against. =DD

[edit: 10:53pm]

velda got salonpas!

i didn't finish my econs notes. D=

my cough is killing me, i'm gonna dieee!!

coughed like some mad dog during maths lecture, couldn't stop coughing and i coughed until my face turned red and i was sweating like crazy. damnit.

i've got

hanging on my phone

and velda has

hanging on her phone, her pouch AND on a bookmark in her diary. ownage XD

oh, azriel has

!!

should call it mr. screamer or something since he keeps screaming the same YOU. WILL. NOT. DIE! and UAARRRHHH..UAARRHHHHHH... HAHA!

i dunno why but i'm kinda looking forward to sunday, mindchamps. o.o not the things taught but the people there i guess. haha.

got back results today

U for physics
U for maths
E for econs
D for GP
D for geog
C for chinese

or thats so i think.

thats like, bad lah. physics and maths U are expected since neither of them have been of interest to me. i dunno why i'm taking these two as H2's anyway, maybe because science courses have more choices when you go to uni, or so they say.

anyway, since i'm already here, might as well try to do something to get myself out of this mess, this BAD mess.

PTM is coming up and i got to let my parents know my results anyhow, don't think they'll be surprised to hear a U for those two subjects, but nonetheless disappointed. =/

need to get started on my work as well....i think i'll be sleeping late tonight.

had enough of this bullshit for 4 years already, time to be satisfied for ONCE.

when you fall down, you got to keep on trying to get up no matter how hard it is because you can't continue walking until you do so.

people falling all around me

will i fall too?

will you?

[edit 11.23pm]

anyway, had drums today, he gave me this song called September to play which was pretty okay for me, could count the time =). told me about how to play the hi hat so you get the feel and make it sound more "human" (are we huuuman...or are we dancerrrr).

yeah

so yep, called sweelee and they said that stock normally comes in around 2 months, been waiting for more than a month now, lets hope i get my rhythm travelers so i can practice yeah.

anyway, since i'm on the topic of my (sucky) drumming, i just realised that i actually liked the idea of drumming since sec 2, when i followed my brother to take a look at his guitar lessons, i saw the drumset and seriously i thought it looked damn COOL, like to be behind it playing. so i went for some kind of introductory lesson.

then when i sat behind the drumset, suddenly it looked intimidating, like, so many drums, so many cymbals. i was suddenly afraid.

so i backed out, mom said that i didn't have space for a drumset anyway.

so three years later, after i bought GHWT and fell in love with that fake drumset, i decided to get a real one, like, take up real lessons and not some fake nonsense.

so yeah, i was still thinking of where to put the drums and everything when suddenly raymond pork and jin and leon wanted to take up guitar lessons (which leon moved over to drums as well) so i thought why not just follow them and sign up at the same time? there was NYAA to complete anyway, it wasn't a bad idea to sign up with them.

so here i am. =)